mixed emotions

by Zeiiology

mixed emotions 

words spill out 

form oceans

it’s all in the motion 

one wrong move can 

cause a commotion 

society like a flood 

as i try to stay afloat 

it seems like they don’t want me 

it’s a common notion.

on instinct 

we’re taught to fight 

for what’s not right 

but nowadays 

its fight or flight 

and you’re lucky if you make 

something right 

situations don’t get outta sight

tryna verbalize 

that feelin in your chest 

words a slur 

i made a mess 

there’s no rest 

until we see what’s left 

after hatred takes a left 

and we take a right 

i have nothin 

i’m distressed 

comprehending our intellect

no disrespect 

they say we up next 

the next generation 

let’s hope we can make it in

it’s a tough situation

and there’s no replacement 

for the body lined out 

on the pavement. 

we need to make the changes. 

living in a society of estrangement. 

i have mixed emotions. 

“mixed emotions” came to Zeiiology in a dream during a hard time in her life. She had lost a few friends to the violence in her neighborhood and fallen into a deep pit of depression because of the grief of her city. She was living in a time where the smallest things would give her hope, yet would also bring her right back down. She was trying to understand why this society was built around her like this, it was conflicting. The life around her was manifesting into her dreams, making her realize she should use her art to speak her mind even if it’s complex, and right there was when “mixed emotions” poured out of her from her brain in her notes app. She felt it was incomplete for some time, but after finding it again recently, something about it just clicked. If finally all set in, and spoke levels to her. She finally found the courage to use the platforms around her to share it.

Illustration by Leigh Einbinder