Images
by Natália Ferraz
Will I let my memories define me?
Orchard of deceit
Knowing hurts, the images repeat
And it keeps - keeps on
Doubt flood the temporal
And occipital has forgone
What is life with all these memories?
I forgot my pen
I can no longer have a story until then
Forgetting is freedom
No longer oppressed by your kingdom
Of guilt and shame
Our ship is motionless, but we do not despair
For we do not remember
And we do not care
Images, Images
"Images" was written when Natalia Ferraz was about to graduate high school. It was the beginning of the abundance of decisions she had to make for her future. Natalia’s mother did not want her to live on campus, and Natalia’s decision would disobey her and disrespect the securities she held by having her live at home. With this, she had to choose something that may have divided her family and her. The pressures of that could surface devastating matters, but then she decided to look at it differently.
Being a first-generation student has become another part of the ever-changing duality of Natalia’s life. Growing up, she had different roles. At home, she is not only a daughter and sister but also an interpreter, a contribution to her family's financial stability, and a messenger of the growing knowledge she assimilates from school or the news of the world. She sees how these roles are taken even out of her home. For instance, at school, she is not only a student, but a voice in reflection of her experience as a first-generation Brazilian American. Recognizing the nature and inevitabilities of the identities that she holds made Natalia reflect on how it will affect her growth. “Images” would be the cover of all the white noise of the unpromising thoughts she had about her future, yet the push and the pull of optimistic contemplation. Every day, Natalia attempts to act on this realization, embrace and release the newness and ever-changing duality of her life. Pessimism will subside if she allows self-inquiry to arise.
Illustration by Sam Garufi